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Saturday 3 December 2011

Aston Villa v Manchester United


United's changing room after the 2010 Carling Cup final

Manchester United's changing room after their 2010 Carling Cup final win over Aston Villa. One can of beer between them, a few bottles of water, and what appear to be some outsized cha siu bao dumplings
25 min: Dunne lets a ball bouncing down the middle of the park sail over his head. Rooney races onto it and slips the ball out right to Valencia, who dinks the ball into the centre for Nani to head straight at Given from 12 yards. Not a great attempt by Nani, in truth, but very simple, effective football from United otherwise. Villa are currently a shameful shambles.
22 min: A corner for Villa down the right, Evra conceding it needlessly. No matter, Herd wins a header from it, but there's no pace on the effort and Lindegaard claims with a yawn. Villa have been absolutely diabolical so far, though in mitigation United have been passing it around very nicely indeed. Difficult to say how much of this is down to the home side's abject defeatism.
20 min: GOAL!!! Aston Villa 0-1 Manchester United. This was so simple, yet a very good goal. Evra bombs down the inside-left channel, then slips the ball outside for Nani, who centres for Jones to sidefoot powerfully home from eight yards. It's his first goal for Manchester United. A really crisp finish. That goal had been coming. Villa Park reacts with a resigned sigh.
19 min: Valencia wins a corner down the right. The ball's swung in, Vidic wins a header, and Smalling is allowed to turn and shoot. His effort is blocked the nanosecond it flies off his boot.
17 min: Villa have done absolutely nothing up front so far. Manchester United are being allowed to play in the manner of a home team. Which, given their record here, is fair enough I suppose. "Looks aren't the only thing the Galloping Major shares with Chris Waddle," opines Gary Naylor. "Both speak a language impossible for non-natives of their homeland to understand."
15 min: Nani causes a lot of bother down the inside-left channel. He's looking very busy indeed all of a sudden. He lays the ball back to Jones, who nearly clears the Holte End with a dismal shot from distance.
14 min: Young zips down the left - to another chorus of boos - but his cross into the area is hoofed clear by Collins. The Villa defender is on hand again to harry Nani about half a minute later, as the winger - pushed up front in the wake of Hernandez - tries to turn with his back to goal on the edge of the area.
12 min: Valencia comes on for the stricken Hernandez.
11 min: The stretcher is out for Hernandez. Your MBM reporter Dr Murray (not that one) has, of course, no idea whatsoever how serious this is, but there are splints being attached to his leg and the poor lad's holding his hands to his head. He knew something was wrong instantly.
7 min: Nani cuts inside from the right, but his low ball towards Hernandez is cut out by Collins. However, Hernandez has gone down with nobody around him. It looks as though he's twisted his left ankle as he changed direction. He's shaking his head, waving to the bench, and is in some pain. He'll not be taking any further part in this game.
5 min: No real shape to this match yet. And nothing much going on.
2 min: The ball's played down the left by Evra for Young. The former Villa winger can't get near the pass, but that doesn't stop the Holte End booing a wee bit at their former charge. It's not loud, but it's loud enough.
And we're off! Villa kick off, with the emphasis on kick, hoofing it long. The ball's battered up and down the pitch for the first few seconds. "Judging by how predictable the scores have been against the top boys today, I feel certain Villa will show their teeth and not just roll over like a cat before a great slavering hound from hell (or somewhere near the M56)," writes Ian Copestake.
A minute's applause for the departed Gary Speed. It's as warm as you'd expect for a man universally liked within the game. On the bench, Speed's former team-mate Ryan Giggs looks very grim indeed. On the pitch, Shay Given is once again struggling with his emotions. "There's only one Gary Speed," chant the crowd towards the end of the tribute.
The teams are out. Aston Villa in their Victorian claret and blue, United in black-and-blue hoops. "Villa fans could also hold on to the fact that they will be outclassing United in at least one position, that being their keeper," suggests Brendan Large. "The problem possibly being that he will probably have to prove it for them to take anything from this game."
Something I've not noticed before: Chris Waddle has popped on a couple of pounds since retiring. Nothing wrong with that. Anyway, he's just been filling the ESPN screen before embarking on his commentary, and here's the thing: with his swept-back hair and new lived-in fuller face, he is slowly beginning to resemble Ferenc Puskas in the Hungarian legend's latter years. A pretty good look for a footballer, on the whole.
Charles N'Zogbia isn't in the Villa squad, you'll note. He's broken some club rule or other, and as a direct consequence, Alex McLeish is with the rage.
Referee: Lee Probert (Wiltshire)
Manchester United: Lindegaard, Smalling, Ferdinand, Vidic, Evra, Nani, Carrick, Jones, Rooney, Young, Hernandez.
Subs: De Gea, Evans, Giggs, Park, Welbeck, Fletcher, Valencia.
Aston Villa: Given, Hutton, Warnock, Dunne, Collins, Jenas, Albrighton, Bannan, Herd, Bent, Agbonlahor.
Subs: Ireland, Delph, Heskey, Petrov, Clark, Guzan, Cuellar.
Kick off: 5.30pm.
Still, let's give Villa fans something to hold onto. The last three times this fixture has been played: draw, draw, draw. That's something, isn't it?
Last year, of course, Gerard Houllier's side played brilliantly for 81 minutes while establishing a 2-0 lead. The game, naturally, ended 2-2, Villa in the final throes desperate to hear the final whistle.
Their overall record during that period? P20, W1, D6, L13, F13, A30. Beyond pathetic.
Aston Villa's home record against Manchester United is beyond pathetic. Since winning The Alan Hansen Game® on the opening day of the 1995/96 season, they've beaten United once in 20 league and cup games on their own patch. That was a 3-0 League Cup win in October 1999, against a team containing Michael Twiss, Luke Chadwick, Ronnie Wallwork, Michael Clegg, John Curtis and Jordi Cruyff.

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